Just Another My Immortal Commentary
by Eva Cormac
Summary: This has been done so many times, but I was bored. Please R&R! We all know the infamous Tara Gilespbie, and her Fanfic From Hell, My Immortal! My thoughts on this monstrosity she dared to call a fanfiction. T for really bad sex scenes,language,and Trollin
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so basically I'm doing another commentary on My Immortal (Not that it hasn't been done billions and billions of times) because I am bored. And honestly, I have a lot of crap to say about this. SO here goes nothing!**

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **lol ur funny... not really. **2 my gf (ew not in that way** Well you thought it...**) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **Apparently she recieved no help for the AN.**U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **Poor Justin... what did he ever do to you?**.MCR ROX! **NO! We actually have something in common! D:**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **At least it's only four names... But really? Ebony, Darkness, AND Raven? We get it.** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **no shit sherlock!** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **WTF are limpid tears? ** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **I know who she is and I'm pretty sure you don't look like her!**I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.** Because incest is just SO MUCH BETTER than not being related.** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **Cool.** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. **Again, NO SHIT! **I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing **and here is where the REAL torture starts.** a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink** because pink is so fukking goffik** fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation,** why do you need white foundation if you have pale skin anyway?** black eyeliner and red eye shadow.** Read my lips. I Don't. Fucking. Give. A Shit. **I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **Sleeting?** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.** Oh, your a classy one, aren't you?**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy!** FINALLY THIS MAKES SENSE WHY IT'S IN THE HARRY POTTER SECTION!**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Shyly? SHYLY? What Draco are you talking about? The Draco I know is a dickhead.**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **I have to say, that was some pretty epic dialogue.**

AN: IS it good? **NO!** PLZ tell me fangz! **Saying fangz instead of thanks doesn't make you goth. It makes you an idiot.**

**Okay, that was... I actually have no words for that! She is so... again... no words... this was just so horrible. Ohmygod.**

**Next chapter up... assoon as I get it done. Maybe todayy, maybe 3 weeks from now. You'll never know...**

**R&R! PLEASE!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here it is... the next chapter of Hell.**

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **I wanna kill this bloodytearz girl for letting her even upload this crap. **BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **We do it for the lulz. We're not all preps, you know!**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **That's weird... I woke up in my toilet this morning.**It was snowing and raining again. **Sleeting.** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **Okay... because that's not creepy at all... **My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet **hot pink? Oh, totally goffik.** with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt ** STOP BRINGING MCR INTO THIS YOU FUCKING BITCH!**which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **Oh. Em. Gee. Because that was like, totally so important that you had to interrupt the whole story for it.** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" **OMFG? Was it possible that this Willow girl was the reason for the lack of dialogue? ** she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **Awww, wittle Waven is bwushing! How cwute!**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **LULZ. Yes, you so fucking do. And since you're a Mary Sue, and you always get your way...**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **In 5...**

"Hi." he said. **4...**

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **3...**

"Guess what." he said. **2...**

"What?" I asked. **1...**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **Here it comes...**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. **How can you scream without caps? This is not screaming. THIS IS!** I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked. **OMG, he just, like totally asked you out! I totally didn't just count down the seconds till it happened!**

I gasped. **Yeah, not a prep at all (SIKE!)**

**I am so sorry for putting you through another chapter of that horror... hopefully the commentary made it a little more bearable.**

**R&R PLEASE!**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!** Who in bloody hell would give this good reviews?** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **It's so horrible she won't even claim the rights to it!**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. **We're not gonna go through this again are we...** Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress **oh god we are...** with all this corset stuff on the back and front. **I swear if she took out all the detailed clothing descriptions this story would be half as long, if that.**I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. **TONS, huh? **Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.** Finally, she must not have been high when she wrote this sentence!** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **What are kewl boiz? Oh, okay, got it.**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **And exclamation point... but she said it in a depressed voice. How the fuck does that work? **

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. **YOU STOLE RON'S CAR, YOU BASTARD!** On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **Such a good role model, Ebony.** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **WARNING: May cause brain damage. Whoops, too late!**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **Thank the dear sweet mother of baby Jesus for that.**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **Awww wittle Dwaco sad?**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **How can a face be blonde?**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. **Great. **So did Draco. **Awesome .**After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. **Fucking fantabulous. ** We got GC concert tees. **Awesome.** Draco and I crawled **are you seriously too drunk and/or high to get up and **_**walk **_**back to the car? **back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! **I am on the edge of my seat Tara...**

**Trust me, I would skip the next chapter if I were you.**

**Seriously. It's mentally disturbing.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay so this is one of the funniest chapters so fdar! Also one of the stupidest. I should start putting warnings on this thing: WARNING- Extreme stupidity contained in the fanfiction. May cause loss of brain cells. Read at your own risk.**

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su **MARY SUE is a stupid character that seems perfect in every way. They don't think her name is Mary Sue, they think she's stupid. **OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent!** Awwwww poor man is In love with a major Mary Sue.** dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **My cellmates a killer, they make me do push ups... IN DRAG. Listening to MCR 3 love them.**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **He turned slowly, revealing the revolver in his hand and smiling evilly. He cocked the gun and put it against my head, and the last thing I felt was the cold metal on my forehead, the last sound I heard was the soft click of him pulling the trigger.**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **Dammit. She's not dead -_- I like my version better, didn't you?**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **Somebody's PMSing...**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **Bipolar much?**

And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **How do you make out keenly? **He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **Oh Em Gee Really? You even took off your BRA? Scary mental images here...**Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what **No, I don't know what. What is it?** and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. **TMI... I NEED MINDSOAP! D: **We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. **As a vampire, you can't get warm. **And then...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **OOH! I wonder who caught them?**

It was...Dumbledore! **DUMBLEDORE! YAY! He is pretty awesome. This Dumbledore even cusses!**

**A/N: So, how was it? How many brain cells did you lose? **

**A lot, right?**

**Okay, while I have you here... I know people are reading this. So please review? Thanks :)**

**Love, Eva Cormac 3**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: SO apparently in this chapter... we learn Dumbledore gets frequent headaches and Professors can SEE THE FUTURE.**

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **I'm a prep AND a poser. What now, Bitch?**Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx!** So... he had a headache and he was made at them for having sexx so he called them motherfuckers? Man this girl is really really confusing...** PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!** SHE GOT 5 GOOD REVIEWS? Oh wait, no, she got good REVOIWS. Okay. No clue what those are, but okay.**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.** OH YEAH! GANGSTA EBONY! I just realized what goes perfect here... PANTS ON THE GROUND. **

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **Apparently crying tears of blood is a disease. **Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **IT IS THE CLAIRVOYANT PROFESSORS. RUN.**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" **teehee sexual intercourse :P what the hell? **he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **I think it's funny how she's trying to make them sound smart.**

"How dare you?" **I DID IT BECAUSE I'M A MARY-SUE AND I CAN'T DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT! **demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **See? Getting away with everything. NANANANANANANANA... SUE GIRL!**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **? I thought she was getting ready for bed? **When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom **STRANGER DANGER!** , and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

**DO you understand now why I find this story extremely stupid? Yeah. Uhmmmm... next chapter is already finished so and update tomorrow, maybe? Ik this kinda sucked... I had nothing even mildly humorous to say.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Does everyone have their pitchforks and knives? Because your gonna wanna kill Tara for this little stunt she pulls. READ ON, TRUSTY NERDS!**

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **She gave up on asking for 5...**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **Really? I need to get check out... I keep waking up in random places. Today it was on my fireplace mantle. **I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. **YOU ARE A MOTHERFUCKING VAMPIRE. THE CROSSES WOULD BURN THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR EARS. **I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. **Really? I'd imagine you drink bubblegum pink blood. ** Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **Please don't do it...** and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **No... I'm begging you, don't... **He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **No, it can't be him...**He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **Once again, you thought it, you sicko!**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **Definitely not who I'm thinking of...**

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, **HOLY FUCK WHAT DID SHE DO TO YOU, HARRY! **although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.** HE giggle. When I think of him giggling it's just... weird.**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **He wimpered, and she roared. WHAT!**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

**You like? **

**I'm seriously considering killing myself... but I have to finish for you guys.**


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